I am not gone--just hibernating.

Best buddy, Caitlin, was going thru a book of advertisements from the 1950's and she chanced upon this. Hello, Sam Beckett (or is it Tom Stratton?)!

Just when I think I'm doing fine -- well my Mom Miller died. This is the woman who cared for me, her and Dad took me in when I was 16 and had been basically deleted by my father and stepmother. I never felt anything but total devotion and love from them and my friend Debbie is still as close to me as a sister. Dad died a few years ago and I spent a week with Mom last year which I thank God for. I hurt so much I really can't go into it.

After re-reading Living year to Year 8 last night I can finally see the ending of this current chapter. BEfore too long it will be posted--right now we are in the process of finally trying to transfer the master from one computer to this one. I apologize to my friends, especially my friend in France who drew the incredible Sam that will grace every note of this book. Please be patient with me. Please let me know you are all still interested.

Are you going to the con in LA? I am not. I've felt pretty excluded and threatened. I have no interest in re-visiting it. I wish 'em luck--but I doubt this will do anything to promote what the show stood for--it will mainly promote sound bites on ET heralding the nutcases that are panting for the sight of a *star*. I don't see the warmth we had with the early cons--this crap has nothing to do with the show. I find it sad there is an entire group of folks that will never know what it is to be united and having as much fun as we had.



This is little Archer. This is the love of my life. There is no way I could stand leaving him for a weekend, let alone a trip to LA. I'd miss something clever he might do.

I hope to have this posted and I will be sending a copy of 8 to Mysti Frank--that way it can be printed for the few who might be interested with the magical cover art given so freely.

I'm going to watch Barack Obama go into our new world. 2009 is looking up.

My last poste was on 6/22. Four days later my Dad passed. It was very quick. I'm sure it was a relief for him.
I'm working on LYTY 8 and really don't have my heart in it. I hope to post something soon. Even finish what I started with #3.
Sorry to all my friends--work consumes me and now I'm fighting a vicious UTI.
Doreen

I'm very good at making up excuses. I've had some real bumps on the road the last month or so. My aunt passed away about 4 weeks ago. She was 96, she was in a 'home'. When I was four my mother died. She was with me the day everyone went to her funeral. There are photos of me with my tea set that day that she took. She adored me. She was TUFF. Not that squeezy auntie but TUFF. She'd been a nun, was a nurse for 30 some years. She didn't put up with kid shit. "My goodness, she's only 4," didn't sell with her. I had clean hair, clean nails, good potty habits and by GOD I behaved when she was around. That didn't really stop me from being naughty--and I remember some really good mouth-scrubbings she gave me with LAVA Soap for saying a word Dad would have used in the barn or somewhere. My favorite memory was seeing her running after my older brother because he was being foolish -- he had a fox tail, the real thing, sticking out of his pants hanging over his butt. She chased him out the door and across the lawn with a big wooden spoon yelling, "Get back here, you! Get back here NOW!"

Suffice to say. What can I say? I loved her a LOT. We had some really good visits when I moved back to the Midwest, we had some super good times packed into ten minutes or a day. She got to see the person I am now and was pleased with what she saw. She prayed for me. When I found out she had finally passed I broke down pretty hard. So did my older brother and sister. She was like losing our mom all over again.

Now my Dad is very, very ill. He is 93. I saw him in Idaho. I won't go into past issues--what worth is that? He had that grin and was solid. TUFF like his sister was. NO BS. Just glad to see me, talking with the same voice, the same twinkle in his eyes, even if they were clouded with a little age. He was pleased with what he saw, too. We had a good talk, some hugs, nice. He told me about seeing Mary and Jesus and how much it meant to him to know that there is another place. This was before my auntie died so we talked about her, too. She was his mommy, she loved him more than his own mother did. My father's father was a mean, mean man. I'm glad he had a sister that loved him and smacked him in an affectionate way, teased him, made him feel he had family. Even with 15 kids the man seems distant from us, from my stepmother that he's been with a LONG time now. He's alone. I've always felt close to dad even tho we had some really big disagreements and spent a good 20 years trying to avoid each other.

When I was little, he was my daddy. He was not afraid of anything. Except snakes. :-) Very afraid of snakes. Up til I was about 5 he was the world. He rocked me to sleep every afternoon after lunch and sang "Rockabye Baby" and other songs to me. He had a crackly, off-key Italian voice. He played the accordian, the harmonica. He could whistle very well, too. He has one hand. Lost the other--my sister told me when he had the accident my mother said it happened to make him slow down. He could do anything with one hand. He put me in front of him on the tractor and drove me out to the field. He let me help him milk and clean the machines. I had my own cow. He always seemed to be pretty pleased with me until I grew up. When I got a mouth he stopped being so soft. And my mother dying didn't help. He had a hurry-up wedding with my stepmother--she was pregnant. They had 10 kids--and after 40 some years they still don't like each other very much. He had a friend he cared about that died suddenly and he got tied up with racist groups and just totally lost for a while.

We had a good visit when I was back there. Now he's got cancer and it's going to kill him very soon. I'm glad we had a visit--and I have to write him a letter. I don't know what to write him--I've always believed in telling him what I felt, even if it was a little forced. Can you believe, I love this man a lot? I am so overwhelmed with losing him and not having him to call when I want. He's 93. I think I'm on my own and I'm doing good and I don't need a daddy anymore and then he has to go and get cancer now and die like that. I was hoping it would be sleep and then just letting go. Now he's gonna be in pain, and it's gonna hurt, and he's scared.

How can I encourage this man? What do I say? Dad, you got to get thru this to get to the good things. My Mom is in heaven and my Aunt. I do believe in God and heaven. I think that when Dad dies he will be a little boy with bright brown eyes and black hair. And 2 hands. And he will reach up and Auntie will be there and smack him across the back of his head and say, "C'mon, boy. Let's go." She will be wearing a little white dress and dark dutch bob. They will walk in the clouds hand in hand. My sister will take his other hand; she died when she was twelve. My mother will be there and his mother. It will be so nice for him--it's just getting there that will be bad.

Please just be patient, with me, with all this crap happening. I will be back to posting stories soon. I don't want any sympathy for this--Just think really really good thoughts for my daddy, ok?

Guess what? I just got my new computer installed at home yesterday. Yes, that means that I will be posting more of Living Year to Year soon -- as soon as I start entering it. I'm not sure exactly when I'll start posting, but you aren't going to have to go months without new LYTY. I promise.

Same thing--computer problems. We are in the process of getting a new computer, something that will do what we need and get us back up online. Please be patient, don't forget me.
I'm working on LYTY 8 and hope to have it out for Media West. Mysti Frank will be distributing it. Laurence's drawing will be the cover and it is magnificent. I want to have a few more chapters added & then, with the new computer (crossed fingers) we will get this off to Mysti for sale!

As for Leap Con--well, they are excluding the slash community. I do not go 3,000 miles for celebrities unless they are dead and I need to do research on a book about Jack Pickford. Ok? And if you do not know who he was ask and I will enlighten you. As most of you know, my passion is silent film, Lon Chaney, Sr. ect. If I go to LA it's to visit archives and cemetaries. Not a bunch'o actors saying the same stuff we heard back in '95. Beth and I have been there, done that. Dull. If it was a reasonable FAN con, fine, but actors and such? Nawh.

Talk at you soon.
Doreen

I know that it seems like forever since anything was posted -- and it has been in a way. We have MAJOR computer problems and are going to be getting a new computer in the next month or two -- other things have priority. As soon as we have the new computer, posting of Living Year to Year will begin again. I ask for patience from the folks that are reading it and have been left hanging.

First off, I would like to apologize for not posting this part sooner. And second, another apology... I've reached the end of where I am doing the Director's Cut of LYTY III. I'll be working on it diligently, but I can make no promises when I'll get new sections up. On the good news front, I will be getting a new computer within the next couple of months which should make the whole process easier for me.

In the meantime, enjoy this part and I hope to have more up soon.

Have a Happy Holiday -- no matter which one it is that you celebrate!

( Living Year to Year III, Part 19 )